"Take me to my destiny."


TITLE: Infinite Realms: My destiny is better suited then this ill-fated episode.
LOGO: “All Directions lead to Doom!”
EPISODE #: 42
SEASON: 3
AIRDATE: July 9, 2007
DIRECTOR: Butch Hartman, Gary Conrad, Wincat Alcala
WRITERS: Butch Hartman
STORYBOARD: Wincat Alcala, Shaunt Nigoghossian, Fred Reyes, James Yang, Butch Hartman
ART DIRECTIONS: George Goodchild
MUSIC: Guy Moon
APPEARANCE: Doomed pilots, scarred-for-life kid and mother, John Fenton Nightingale and the pilgrim squad, Romans, Ming Warriors, The Wright Brothers, Deputy Mayor (1st appearance), Main Trio, Vlad, Jack, Maddie, and Jazz (cameo)
GHOST APPEARANCE: Two generic ghosts, Urine Ghost, giant mouth, Frostbite and his clan (1st appearance)
LESSON: Crappy episode, pure sex service

SUMMARY: "Okay, Phantom, you’ve looked evil in the face and defeated it time and again, you can do this!" Raise your hand if you sense a cop out.

Danny pulls out the "evil" map and tries to make heads and tails of it. To those that had their hands raised, you get a free imaginary trip to Hawaii. Have fun. As for the rest of you, go sit in the corner. Sam and Tucker (the latter more concerned on stuffing his face) both complain over Danny’s horrid map-savvy skills (it’s cool, I can’t read directions either). Human thumbprints are also not that big. Danny justifies their current situation that they need to know the GZ’s layout down to stat—even if they're hopelessly lost. For a brief moment, we’re seeing the continuation of mature Danny, but he gives it all up when he refuses to do the mature thing and ask for direction when two generic ghosts bypass them. He instead stalk follows them in hopes it’ll lead them out. Sam bemoans, Tucker anguishes: "If I don’t make it, tell my PDA I love her! The cell phone meant nothing to me!" Okay, I give, that’s a funny line.

The trio follows them into a hollow icy tunnel. The confident Danny ends up smacked to an icicle, followed closely by Sam and Tucker (they're both in the Specter Speeder, FYI). Danny distresses over the dented airship, but he’s got bigger problems when a pissed off Yeti-like creature enters the arena, baring claws and fangs and the likes. Alright, time for another slightly off-topic subject filibustering: so when Marmel wrote that the Specter Speeder would be a better and cooler ship in "Kindred Spirits", did he have intentions of designing a new and improved one? Or just rebuilding it? While it’s clear the latter is what they went with, Marmel's hinted difference for Season Three seems to indicate otherwise. Smells like another unanswered question.

Danny and the Abominable asshole duke it out until the former spots an icy thorn lodged on the back of his neck. *groans* Yes, I’m not shitting you, a fuckin’ thorn on his neck. Not that this show is the pinnacle of awesome writing, but come on, shake it up a little! Why not a radioactive nuclear missile lodged in his neck? If Danny Ecto Rays that off, the explosion would be pretty impressive. With the pain gone, the yeti creature turns from feral to friendly, hugging and thanking Danny for his brief help. The transition in-between is ridiculously flawed; as if I'm suppose to accept he's a mindless beast when he possess human intelligence despite his furry appearances. Oh, it gets better; the yeti gets a better look at Danny and declares him the "savior of the Ghost Zone". Danny and friends sport a puzzled look as he kneels down and worships him. Humble Danny would rather a way out, but his friends interrupt when they’re still stuck in the broken vehicle. The yeti, now known as Frostbite carries the three to his home to serve whatever "his majesty" wants. Also, Danny, shut up. Only four minutes and the episode fluctuate between his appropriate maturity and his needless stupidity.

While Frostbite’s people fix the Specter Speeder, Danny discovers why he’s a savior when he interprets crudely drawn images of him on the cavern walls depicting his battle with Pariah. I’m thankful for the continuity, but am I the only one raising an eyebrow that these creatures have the technological means to fix an advanced vehicle, yet they still draw on caves? "Wow, in the world of freaky, hair, frozen people with bad breath, you’re a legend." Sam, shut up. What the fuck did these yetis do to deserve your insult? I’m assuming it was meant as friendly sarcasm, but her voice tone and facial expressions say otherwise. Frostbite doesn’t tear her face apart, but instead cries a jovial "Excellent" when Danny explains they’re lost. You’ve got a sick sense of humor there, Mr. Bite.

Frostbite leads them to a room full of ancient items. He opens a chest and reveals the Infi-Map, a moving picture map (ala Harry Potter) that can take them to any natural ghost portals in existence. The catch is that for every natural portal they enter, they end up in a different time period before being able to exist. Um, why? And why isn’t Clockwork in on this? Frostbite finishes the first of his many expositions and volunteers to take them home. The map can read minds though, so the moment Danny asks if he can go home, it sends the three in warp speed. For humorous purposes, play the Japanese Sonic CD opening theme. Impressed, Danny decides to keep the map awhile to have some fun with it despite Sam’s concerns. ARGH! Danny! COME ON! Stop acting like a jerk! Hartman, stop writing him like a jerk! He character developed!

Sam’s concern is valid. Big Brother Vlad Masters is watching. He starts off with a rousing game of chess against his newly acquired kitty, Maddie. Yep, he finally caved in to Danny's suggestion. You knew this was coming, but his loooooove for Danny is so true that he finally listened to the boy. Also, the scene is darn adorable. Depressed and bored, Vlad dramatically declares he wants to rule more then just Amity Park. And another character bites the dust; Hartman haphazardly takes the "rule the world" angle that he barely hinted in past episodes and placed it up forth for no apparent reason. Hartman, the reason he became mayor was to piss off Danny, not city conquest!

Taking Maddie’s meow suggestion, Vlad decides to do some TV watching. Though there’s no evidence to support or deny the "Vlad has a sister" angle, I’m firmly under belief he is an only child. He clicks on his favorite channel, illegally spying on the Fentons. That gleeful tone takes on a massive surprise when he spots Danny with the Infi-Map. Zipping to his shelf of blue books, Vlad takes out the only pink one (how ruddy convenient) which holds info on ghostly artifacts. Bemused that Danny found the map before he did, Vlad sends a small camera (shaped like some Plasmius ladybug) to hide inside Sam’s backpack. Meanwhile, the trio can’t decide on a location, so the map zigzags one for them.

Danny spots the various and repulsive locales of the GZ before they dive into one of the natural portals. I’ll give this episode one credit, Danny may be acting like an idiot, but he at least debates back at Sam when latter episodes practically had her in "I’m right" territory with him and the plot unquestionably backing it up. The three end up at the bottom of some kid’s bed in the 1940’s. The child fears ghosts under his bed (isn’t it suppose to be monsters?) until his mother calms him down with the infamous Roosevelt quote, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself". She misquotes it, so Danny corrects her and scares the shit out of them. They exit the time period and Sam criticizes him. Can’t disagree, Danny should know better then to pop out unexpected and announce such a trivial dispute. But I’m expecting a miracle in this episode.

They enter another portal and end up in Salem, Massachusetts during the 1600’s. According to Sam anyways. How the FUCK do you know this, Manson!? Salem isn’t the only town where Puritans and pilgrims lived! GOD! Stop trying to make her a know-it-all! The trio watches an angry mob practicing their witch burning skills. Just a bit of history lesson, but contrary to popular beliefs and what a majority of cartoons employ, burning at the stake wasn’t how they executed "witches". They were usually stoned to death or hanged, though not before the villagers tested to make sure they were witches. Of course, this usually lead to their deaths as well. Baring that in mind, Danny takes the right idea and declares they bolt. Now it’s Sam’s turn to act like a moron when she angrily tells the villagers to "get a life". She storms right into a net. She screams she ain’t no witch, but she’s proven otherwise by Vlad himself, now donned in pilgrim clothes. I don't care how super sexy he is in those garbs, just how, when, and where did Vlad get the time needed to blend in with the local villagers when he was essentially following the twerps?

Instead of flying in, phasing Sam out of the ropes, and then flying back to the natural portal, Danny and Tucker just watch in horror as Sam is dragged off to be burnt. That’s it; I’m bringing out the facepalm picture.

Danny finally gets the gump needed to dive in, but Vlad warns the villagers of the "evil" spirit coming for his "mistress". Luckily, they have one townsman who can face such folly: John Fenton Nightingale. Yep, a Jack Fenton ancestor that looks exactly like him. I’m not going to lie; I think this is one of the best parts of this asinine episode. He spreads Blood Blossoms everywhere, a flower that can fade off ghosts and "doth make a tasty treat". Vlad milks it further by shoving Danny into the circle where he’s most affected. Notice how close his hand is to his penis. *snerks* Tucker runs in to rescue, too late to stop Vlad from taking the map and flying off to find his destiny, but not late enough that he sent his own camera back at him.

Though Tucker managed to pull Danny out, he’s still in deep pain. Remembering what John said, Sam orders Tucker to eat the flowers despite his all-meat diet. Aww, come on! You have to actually SHOW a flashback of John explaining the purpose of the flowers when that scene occurred as little as two minutes ago? Guys, kids aren’t that absent-minded. Tucker reluctantly obeys and eats the damn thing. And here comes the annoying part, the villagers do absolutely nothing but stand around like cardboard cut-outs. No roar of protest, no stopping Tucker, they don’t even have angry faces on. THEY DO NOTHING.

Danny takes the two to the clock tower from where they came and is informed by the techno geek that they can follow Vlad via the tracking bug and his PDA. Sam then unfortunately sets up the toilet jokes by asking how Tucker could handle eating veggies when he never had before. Cue the rumbling stomach and him asking for a bathroom by the time they end up in the next locale: Ancient Rome. You know Hartman wrote this episode because he overdoes the running gag and makes certain that it's a toilet joke one. *rolls eyes* Whatever, Hartman. With Vlad as their Deity, courtesy of his powers. "You’re alive, unbelievable!" Vlad’s grin says otherwise; I think he just enjoys making Danny his sex toy. Danny lectures his power abuse on the Infi-Map and demands it back. Cuz’ ya know, Danny doing the same doesn’t count because he’s the hero. Vlad retaliates and releases the lions. Instead of assing around, Danny phases him and his buddy underground.

Vlad only gets a few seconds to ponder his locations before he nearly gets decapitated by Danny-in-a-Roman-armor. Holy Shit! What if he hadn’t dodged it!? Would he really have killed him!? Well, it’s certainly not the first time the kid’s shown maliciously psychotic behaviors. The two half ghosts duke it out until the older one destroys Rome with his Ecto rays. The Romans are pissed their God destroyed their city; forcing Plasmius to turn tell and run. OH. COME. ON. If the Romans saw their own God blowing their home, wouldn't they be running with their tails between their legs, wondering what the fuck they did wrong to piss him off in the first place?

The next spot is Unknown Asian Country where Vlad just finished beating the crap out of Asian monks. Shouldn’t he be going after the Emperor or some form of ruler if he wants to dominate the country? He doesn’t get the time regardless when Danny enters the scene in what is possibly the most awesomest scene in the entire episode. Danny in a Samurai garb. Pointless, but it's only one of two things where Danny is pretty damn hot (the other is the motorcycle). They go through some fancy sword fights before the monks settle for Round Two, peeved Vlad destroyed their priceless artifacts. Yeah, nothing restores honor then material goods. So we can rule out on them being Buddhists.

Vlad then heads to 1903, Kitty Hawk to take down the "first airplane" built by the Wright brothers in order to rule the skies. Take out your textbooks, kiddies, it’s time for another history lesson: The Wright brothers aero plane was not the "first airplane" ever built. It was one among many aircraft that was developed over time. Also, hot air balloons, gliders, and dirigible (or airship) existed prior to 1903. The last was a massive aircraft controlled through the use of gas which filled the giant balloon. If you want to get technical, this counts as lighter-then-air vehicles while the Wright brothers fall into the Heavier-then-air category. That still doesn’t mean their plane was the first; as long as the 1700’s (1500's even if you want to count Leonardo Di Vinci's ideas of a flying vehicle), concepts and inventions of such airplanes have existed. They were more gliders then airplanes, but they can serve as precursors to the ones the Wright brothers completed. What they did was improve upon the formula to create a flying machine that was capable of controlling it from within. In short, it wouldn’t matter a damn difference if Vlad destroyed the airplane to "rule the skies" because flying vehicles have been around for a better part of the century.

Vlad blows a hole in the plane which only lands safely due to invisible Danny’s work. He made history, people! Vlad again makes haste before he finally gets fend up, comparing Danny and friends to "Ectoplasmic gum on his shoes". *groans* He gets the common sense to trap them in a giant pink Ecto bubble. Well damn, that would solved your frustrations fifteen minutes ago. But then we wouldn’t have what passes for a plot, now would we?

Vlad is taken to his next destination, the Far Frozen. He’s less then pleased, calling it nothing but "ice, snow, and hopelessness, Ick!" Oh, stop being such a prima Donna. Frostbite and his furry buddies disagree and ask for their map back. Unrelenting, Vlad is ready to go ka-ra-tah on them until he gets a taste of their special abilities. We don’t see what happens to him yet because the scene cuts to Danny apologizing for map-abusing. Frostbite is chilled about it (I’m so sorry for the bad pun) and expositions further, "Though it can lead you where you wish to go, it sometimes takes users to where it feels they need to go." Tucker makes a toilet joke before the trio return home, now that the location is inputted in Tucker’s PDA. Then the furballs foreshadow Danny’s ice powers.

Back at City Hall, Amity Park’s deputy mayor unveils a statue dedicated to Vlad. It’s really just the iced up Vlad Masters, though outside of Danny and pals, everybody can’t see that it’s CLEARLY him trapped in there. It doesn’t even look like an ice sculpture! It looks like a man trapped in ice! For that matter, even if they wanted an ice statue, where the fuck are they planning to store it? Shouldn't a statue be placed outside where others can see it in public? Are we going to have special tours to City Hall’s giant freezer?! ARGH! FACEPALM FACEPALM FACEPALM!

Sam: You think Vlad will ever find his destiny?
Danny: Maybe, but for now, I’d say his dreams are on ice.

...*cries* J-Just cut to the stupid Tucker bathroom humor and be done with. And hey, why not add another poop joke with the pigeons while you’re at it?

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